Behind These Hazel Eyes
by Emily Mustang
Summary: He loved his brother more than anything else in the world. He would never have done something terrible to him on purpose. But Hikaru's foolish mistake shattered his brother's chance to live, and brought the weight of guilt rested on his shoulders. How could he ever forgive himself for both of their pain? Rated T for language, gore, tiny amount of SH, and implied suicidal thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclamier: I do not own OHSHC._

* * *

"I'm done, Kaoru! Done with this crap! I can't take this anymore!" The elder Hitachiin brother yelled, his hazel-gold eyes filled with fiery rage.

"Hikaru! Calm down a little-" It wasn't everyday that the twins fought, but when they did (a real argument, not a staged one), things could get intense in Music Room number three. Before Kaoru could finish his sentence, his brother blew a fuse, blowing Kaoru's reddish-brown hair back a bit with the force of his anger.

"I'm through with this!" Hikaru shouted, turning away furiously; he ran just fast enough that the rest of the shocked Host Club couldn't see his tears, the sobs that made his chest ache. He hated fighting with Kaoru, and he knew that Kaoru hated it as well. Alas, sometimes things happen that they both have no control over.

The door to Music Room number three slammed shut as Hikaru bolted down the hallway, one arm hiding the tears that now were streaming down his ivory cheeks.

He only had one goal in mind:

Just to get away from them.

* * *

**_A/N ~ Herro :) This is my first story, and to tell the truth I am scared out of my mind about this ^^" I hope you guys enjoy! There's lots more to come!_**


	2. Chapter 2

_Standard disclaimer applied._

* * *

Kaoru let out a heavy sigh, breaking the shocked silence that had fallen over the club. He let himself fall into the plush red velvet of one of the couches, deep in thought, while the other hosts talked, but Kaoru didn't hear what they were saying. The first-year high school student had a strange feeling in his gut; not the happy feeling he got when he saw Hikaru's concerned face after being locked in a classroom for a long while on Halloween, one that said trouble was coming.

"Kao-chan!" Honey-senpai sat across from him, swinging his considerably short legs (very short, for his age…), all the while searching Kaoru's face for something. "Is Hika-chan gonna come back soon? I think there's a storm coming!"

The word "storm" made Haruhi shudder, even though she was trying to get over the phobia. "…I don't like storms…so I'm not chasing that idiot! Just saying!"

With his reddish hair hanging in his eyes, Kaoru stood up, silencing them all without saying it. "I'm going to find him. It's my fault he ran off, so I should go."

No one objected, except Kyoya. "Be careful; it's dangerous to go outside in the rain. Lighting, power lines, out-of-control drivers…" He pushed his thin-framed glasses up his nose, his black eyes off of his notebook (for once). "…just take care of yourself."

The unusual, uncalled for, and just plain odd caution from the usually ignorant senpai made Kaoru feel even more uneasy. "…yeah. I will. I'll see you guys soon." He opened the door to the hallway, gazing out for a second before taking a step into the empty halls of Ouran. With every echoing step, the feeling of dread grew heavier and heavier on his shoulders. 'What's wrong with me…?'

The harsh wind blew against his face, splattering his face with rain as he stepped outside into what should have been a beautiful spring day. It reminded him of the sorrow-filled (but covered by a mask of anger and fury) look Hikaru had on his face as he had stormed out of the music room, trying to hide the tears Kaoru saw falling down his elder brother's face. Hikaru had thought that no one saw; but his brother did.

Like in all major arguments or fights, Kaoru couldn't help but think that he was to blame, though logically it was that Hikaru just overreacted; but the younger twin still felt bad about it. True, it never really was Kaoru's fault. 'If I had stopped him…would he have brushed me away…or would he have stayed…?" Rain blurred his vision; but wiping his eyes he realized that not only the rain was falling on his cheeks. He had no idea where he was going.

"Hikaru! Hikaru, where are you?!" With his clothes now soaked, hair hanging in front of his eyes, and dread building, he resorted to desperately calling out his brother's name, to no prevail. The hazel eyes searched his surroundings, though he could have been staring at a large, grey wall; there wasn't a visibility of three feet.

"Hikaru!" He howled into the storm, losing his sense of maturity. The voice was tiny in the shadow of the thunder; it boomed in the sky, overpowering any noise.

Therefore, no one heard the scream of hopelessness escape Kaoru's lips.

* * *

**_A/N: The chapters will get longer, I promise ^_^_**


	3. Chapter 3

_Standard disclaimer applied_

* * *

The music blared in Hikaru's ears, even blocking out the book of thunder above him. Lately, he had been into commoner's music, loving the upbeat rhythm of it instead of boring old classical music. He was wearing headphones, an ingenious machine that seemed to amplify the little details of the sound, ones he never noticed. They were a present from Kaoru…

He sighed, gazing up at the gray sky with his hazel eyes. Raindrops fell on his face, even though he was under a leafy tree. _I should go back…apologize…this is my fault…_ Memories casually drifted into his mind, reminding him of times before the host club banded together. Kaoru and himself had been distant; withdrawn from others. All they cared about was their own well being.

An odd thought struck Hikaru's mind. While the host club had helped the twins drift apart a bit, he felt closer than ever to his younger brother. He chuckled at the irony of it, watching the rain drip off the leaves of the tree.

Thunder boomed; lightning flashed; yet he didn't hear any of it, trapped in his own little world of music. He wondered where Kaoru was, if he was worrying about him. Poor Kaoru, having such a hot-tempered brother to live with. Hikaru had always been the most prominent one of them, louder and more outspoken. His brother was the quieter one, more inverted; but it took a very skillful eye to tell the difference between the personalities.

A drop of rain fell from the tree, meeting his face and sliding down, like a tear. He had no tears of his own left; they had run out as he ran. Still, he had to bite his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. "I was a jerk." The words that he was thinking came out of his mouth instead, but were overpowered by the noise of the rain on the pavement. "I was a jerk, and it's my fault we're in this mess."

Hikaru looked up to the clouded sky, closing his eyes slightly against the rain. _When was the last time I told Kaoru that I love him…?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Standard disclaimer applied._

* * *

Kaoru fell to his knees, gripping his hair in his shaking hands. Rain mixed with tears; you wouldn't have been able to tell the difference in the storm. Sobs racked his body, but no one could hear him cry. That's how it always was; but Hikaru was there to comfort him, to wipe his tears. But Hikaru wasn't there, there was no one there for him. The boy sat trembling on the hard, wet pavement, all determination washed away by the cold rain.

His clothes were soaked through; icy cold against his pale skin. Nothing he did could erase the dark, clutching feeling in his chest as it squeezed tighter and tighter; suffocating him. "Hikaru!" Hopelessness washed over him. Why did it have to be like this? Do I hate Hikaru…? The younger twin hated himself for even considering that thought. There was no way in hell Kaoru could ever hate his brother, even when they fought.

He attempted to stand up, but his legs didn't want to move. A faint noise echoed in his head. 'Where is he…Hikaru…I need you…' The noise grew louder and louder, filling his head with a static-like sound; Kaoru put his hands over his ears, squeezing his hazel eyes shut against the volume. "I'm so sorry!"

Even through his tightly shut eyes, a white light shone through his eyelids; but as he slowly opened them, the dread that had built in his chest suddenly overcame him, the deep, dark abyss of panic exploding as he realized that he was directly in front of a car. Paralyzed by fear, the teen couldn't move, like his legs were made of thick, heavy lead.

Even the squeal of the tires and the boom of thunder couldn't mask the horror-filled, panic-stricken scream.

His life flashed before his eyes.

Somehow, he knew that the memories would be the last thing he ever saw.

* * *

**_Ohoho~ Tell me what chu think so far~_**


	5. Chapter 5

_Standard disclaimer applied._

* * *

Hikaru's music stopped abruptly; he brushed his reddish-brown hair out of the way of his ears as they strained to hear something quiet. Uneasiness washed over him. Someone had screamed, but the twin didn't know who it was or where it came from. Still, he knew that trouble was coming. A quiet vibration came from his right pocket, making him jump before realizing that it was his cell phone.

The small screen pulsed softly, a caller ID flashing on it. 'Tamaki…' He thought as he flipped the phone open, blinking rain out of his eyes. "Hey, boss. Could'ya come pick me up? I can't see a thing." The sound of Kyoya's voice crackled through the receiver.

"Hikaru, it's me. Where are you? There's been an-" A loud squeal in the background made Hikaru yank the phone away from his ear. "Dear god, Tamaki, please try not to kill us. This car cost us a fortune…"

He could hear Tamaki's voice in the background. "Well, I'm sorry, it's really dark and I can't see where I'm going."

Kyoya sighed before speaking in the phone. "Sorry. Anyway, there's been an…incident…"

"An incident…?" Hikaru's heart jumped into his throat, making his words raspy and strained.

"There's an accident. Kaoru…" Kyoya's voice faltered, sounding guilty. "I'm so sorry, Hikaru, but Kaoru…" Hanging on every last word, the elder twin held his breath.

"Kaoru was hit by a car."

The cell phone fell out of Hikaru's fingers, clattering on the hard concrete. His heart dropped down to the ground, his breath catching in his throat. It was like the world stopped turning for a second; like time stopped. That's what it felt like to him, his hazel eyes widening as his knees gave out, Kyoya's words echoing in his head. Every beat of his heart was like a stab in the chest. 'No…this can't be happening…not Kaoru…no…'

Kyoya's voice blared through the speaker. "Hikaru? Are you still there?" A hint of urgency and panic was audible.

He picked the phone up with trembling fingers. "Y-yeah…" The world felt like it was ending. "Is…is he…" He couldn't bring himself to say the word, as if saying might make it true. "…d-dead…?" The last word was spoke in a whisper, but watery and frightened; the voice of a small child who was afraid of the dark.

"No. He's apparently badly injured, with trauma to the head. It'll take a miracle to get him through with no long-term or permanent damage."

Guilty thoughts swirled in his head. 'Oh god…when was the last time I told him I love him…? If he dies…' Choked sobs escaped his lips, no matter how hard he tried to keep them in. "This is all my fault…"

A scuffle on the other line made Hikaru's heart skip a beat. To his slight relief, he heard Tamaki's voice. "There's no time to blame yourself, Hikaru, we have to get you and we can all go to the hospital." Another squeal of tires. "Damn, I can't see a thing."

"Tamaki, we have to pull over. It's too dangerous!" The tremor in Haruhi's voice was very clear.

"No way! We can't stop now!"

Hikaru tried to regain himself, no matter the churning feeling in his stomach. "Please pull over, boss, I couldn't bear it if you guys…" The sentence faltered in his throat. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if more people got hurt because of his immature foolishness.

Tamaki cursed. "I just can't do that, god dammit! We can't afford to waste any more time!"

He had never heard the boss so angry before…

The twin could hear Haruhi crying now. "I'm sorry, but this is the only way! I-I want to g-get there as much as y-you, s-senpai, but we're p-putting ourselves in d-danger!" Her profuse sobbing broke his heart; it seemed to have the same effect on the leader, for he heard him sigh loudly, then the squeak of car breaks.

"Fine. Let's wait out the storm here. Hikaru, just stay where you are. We'll get you when the storm passes." Tamaki said, his words laced with frustration and scorn. Hikaru heard a muffled bang, indicating that the boss just struck the steering wheel out of anger.

As much as the hazel-eyed boy wanted to get to the hospital, there was no way he could let his selfish needs injure anyone else. It had already hurt the person closest to him. "Okay. Thanks."

Long minutes passed in absolute silence, minus the patter of rain on the concrete and the occasional flash of lightning. His hands were ghostly white, for he had to clench them tightly to keep them from shaking. Even so, he felt like he was going to be sick, like this was all just a dream. A sharp piece of concrete caught his attention; it gave him an idea. With a shaky right hand, he dragged it down the back of his left palm. On the shallow cut it left, small drops of crimson blood emerged, along with a dull throbbing. The effect made a wry smile form on his face. As much as he wanted this to be a dream, it was far from that.

It was a nightmare.

* * *

**_A/N ~ Ha, I love how the other chapters are short and this one's pretty long..._**

**_Any who, I'm not going to be online all weekend, I'm going on vacation :D_**

**_See you guys on Sunday!_**


	6. Chapter 6

_Standard disclaimer applied._

* * *

When the host club finally arrived to pick him up, Hikaru understood their shocked expressions, knowing that he must've looked terrible; with blood dripping down his hand and his Ouran uniform soaked and sticking to his back. He was thankful, though, that they brought a large van instead of the usual small car; he didn't want them to feel him tremble.

"Hikaru!" Haruhi gasped. "What happened? Are you hurt?" Her large brown eyes were wide and scared; the eyes of a frightened deer. They all seemed concerned (though Tamaki the most, his knuckles white from being clenched around the steering wheel), even Kyoya looked up from his laptop, though his fingers were still typing away.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Just…don't worry about it." Hikaru couldn't help but sneak a glance at what Kyoya was doing, and the senpai noticed him as well.

"I'm in the process of canceling all appointments for today, canceling all of yours for the next week, and canceling all of Kaoru's for…" His voice trailed off, and Hikaru knew why. No one knew if his brother was ever going to rejoin the club, or if he could continue attending Ouran. "…for at least the next two weeks."

The hazel-eyed boy nodded, then proceeded to take a seat in the far back, next to Mori. His hard gaze made Hikaru shiver a bit, so he gazed out the window to his right. Tamaki drove silently, his mouth an expressionless line, though his violet blue eyes worried.

"Hikaru." Mori's monotone voice broke the silence. "What happened to your hand?" Eyes turned toward the injury. Blood from the cut was dripping down his fingers, the place where the sharp edge had connected to his skin was swollen and a light red.

"Nothing."

The tall senpai frowned slightly, the corners of his mouth turning downwards. In a quick, swift motion, he pulled Hikaru's hurt hand toward him, examining it. "It's shallow. Swollen." He traced a long finger over it, pursing his lips. "There are small rocks in it." At that, Hikaru yanked his hand away, holding it against his chest as if it was his firstborn child. Mori's dark eyes met Hikaru's hazel ones. "You did that to yourself, Hikaru."

The twin's face flushed bright red, yet his features were calm. "I had to know if I was dreaming." He spoke coolly, yet shakily, and his eyes drifted down to his hand; he wiped some blood off onto his shirt. The water that soaked his uniform made it sting a bit. "I wish I was…"

Mori blinked, but didn't say anything. But when Hikaru turned toward the window again, he could feel his stare.

* * *

**A/N: Herro ^_^ My wifi has been wacky so my laptop is close to impossible to use DX I'm using the mobile version right now, and this isn't a walk in the park. I will try to update ASAP!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Standard disclaimer applied._

* * *

A mixture of antiseptics and bleach slapped Hikaru in the face as he opened the hospital doors. People stared at him and the rest of the club; he knew it was for two reasons. One, he knew that his hand was beginning to bleed badly, for he could feel the blood drop down his throbbing fingers. Secondly, the Ouran crest and fancy uniform that stick to his skin seemed to stand out in the midst of commoners like a sore thumb; like a diamond amongst coal. Or, a lone piece of coal among shining, glinting diamonds. Hikaru shuddered. He couldn't brush away the fact that it was his fault this happened, the guilt weighed heavily on his mind.

Tamaki asked the secretary for Kaoru's room number, much to Hikaru's relief. There was no way he could have asked by himself; words failed him, every sentence he attempted died in his throat.

His body seemed to be out of his control, a puppet moved by strings. Dread and panic rose in his throat with every step he took toward the room where his brother was, for would the younger twin be mad at him for what happened…?

Taking deep breaths in a fruitless attempt to calm down, Hikaru tapped his senpai's shoulder. "K-Kyoya…?" His voice was choked with tears.

"Hm? Is something wrong?"

"K-Kyoya…Kaoru…is h-he g-going to h-hate m-me…? I-it's m-my f-fault…m-my f-fault he's h-hurt…" The very thought made him stop dead in his tracks, eyes widening in fear as he stared down the corridor where the rest of the club stopped in front of room 182; his brother's room.

A slightly concerned and pitying look he had never seen before drifted slowly onto his senpai's face. "He's not going to hate you. He knows it's not your fault; it was an accident." The gentle tone in his voice stood out, lacking the usual cool (or rather cold, as what it was usually described as) demeanor.

Hikaru shivered, and it wasn't from the brisk air blowing through the hallway. "W-what if he d-does…?" It was spoke as a whisper, nearly getting lost in the cool air.

"I know Kaoru well enough to know that he would never, ever hate you." Kyoya placed a hand on his friend's shoulder as it shook with held-in sobs. He knew that his usual "anti-hero" mask would have to come off for now; this wasn't the time to get cold. So, he tried his hardest to pour reassurance and empathy in his voice. "Now, come along, we're trailing behind. Besides, I'm sure Kaoru wants very much to see his older brother all right."

The elder twin nodded slightly, following the rest of the club into his brother's hospital room. A wave of guilt struck him, gazing at Kaoru's pale, lifeless form on the bed. With wires and tubes connected to him, the boy looked small and fragile. Another person was in the room as well, but sitting in a hard, plastic chair, her long brown hair framing her face. She looked perfectly normal, with the exception of the large bloodstain on her white shirt.

Her eyes darted up at the club's entrance. "Are you boys his friends?" The green orbs glanced at the uniform plastered to their chests, then she stood up. "My name is Nanami Murakami, and I'm sorry we had to meet on such terms. I'm the one who…ah…caused this…"

Something suddenly clicked in Hikaru's head. The blood on her shirt was his brother's. She hit him. And now she thought that it was her fault. "No."

"Hika-chan…?" Honey asked quietly.

Nanami blinked, doing a double-take from Hikaru to Kaoru. "Are you his…brother…?"

Words failed the elder twin, even if he had spoke any more it would have been choked and wet. He simply nodded, clearing his throat and trying to keep the tears from falling. Alas, he felt them drip down his cheeks. "I-it's my fault…not y-yours…I s-started this…I-I should b-be the o-one in the h-hospital b-bed…he's s-suffering…because of m-my s-selfishness…"

By the end of his sentence, the boy broke down, trembling but determined to keep his sobs silent. Having a soaking wet uniform wasn't helping him either. A heavy weight dropped on his shoulders; his hazel eyes looked to see a jacket draped over him, with blood on the front of the soft material. "You're soaking wet. You should rest for a bit…" Nanami's voice was soft and comforting.

Hikaru found himself tracing the crimson-stained fabric with one finger, then stopping abruptly as he realized it was stained with his brother's blood. "W-when you h-hit h-him…w-where was h-he b-bleeding…?"

"His head…"

A cold, clutching feeling grasped at his lungs. 'No…!'

"The back of his head…" She cleared her throat. "I was driving back from a family reunion when the storm started. With all of the rain pouring down, I couldn't see anything…I didn't notice him until it was too late…"

Hikaru could picture the horror in his mind; the squealing of tires, the scream of pain…blood spilling on the pavement, staining the front bumper. The very thought made his hands shake; he clenched them into fists.

"Then I recognized the Ouran uniform, so I called the school. The chairman answered, then put me through to…" Her eyes looked toward Tamaki, one eyebrow cocked.

"Tamaki, Tamaki Suoh. I'm the chairman's son." He made no attempt to seduce her with his usual host charm, his blonde hair hanging in his eyes as he stared at the floor.

"…yes, Tamaki, and I described the boy to him, he said he knew him and to meet him at the hospital…" The large green eyes closed for a moment; she took a shaky breath. "…and that was-"

A loud knock on the white door made Hikaru jump, his eyes glued to it, wondering who would want to come in. The doctor…? Fear seized his heart. That was the worse possible scenario, the doctor arriving with bad news. He glanced at the heart monitor, watching the spiking line and listening to the beeping of the machine. What made it worse was that Hikaru knew that it could stop at any minute, anytime.

The door opened slowly; revealing a taller, slender woman with reddish-brown hair in a pixie cut. Relief and guilt collided in one huge explosive mixture as Hikaru stood up quickly, swaying as small dots danced in front of his eyes. It was the woman who resembled him so; his mother. Her hazel eyes met his of the same color. "Hikaru? What's going on? I got a call saying that Kaoru was seriously injured…" A small gasp escaped her painted red lips. "What happened to your hand, Hikaru? Are you hurt? What happened to your brother?"

The words were on the tip of his tongue, ready to be spilled to her, the guilt laden sentence he wanted so desperately to say, to scream to the world. Overwhelmed, he sank to his knees on the tiled floor, hearing the click-click of his mother's heeled shoes on the cold ground. "Hikaru! What's wrong?" She knelt beside him, worry in her usually mischievous eyes.

"Mom…" He could barely choke the words out. "M-mom…K-Kaoru…it's m-my…m-my f-f-fault…" His shoulders shook, the tears he tried so desperately to hold back flowing freely down his face. "M-mine…" Sobs racked his body; he buried his head in her shoulder, his shaking hands gripping the back of her jacket. The tears wouldn't seem to ever stop. All his fault…the whole thing was all his fault. He felt pathetic, breaking down like this in the presence of others, and woman who was always too busy for him all of the times before when he cried. "I-I'm so sorry…"

There were so many things he was sorry for, and they all ran together in a painful throbbing against his rib cage. Sorry for running. Sorry for causing them all pain. The last one seemed most shocking; he was sorry for being born.

* * *

**A/N: Heyo! I still have crappy wifi; I'm actually at Starbucks with my friend XD I'm gonna try to write a lot, but school's approaching really fast and I'm really busy…**


	8. Chapter 8 and Important AN

_Standard disclaimer applied._

* * *

After a long while, his sobs finally subsided from body-raking breaths, fading into silent tears that fell down his pallor cheeks. The lack of energy that he spent crying made him feel light-headed, almost in a dream-like state. Oh, how he wished it could all be a dream, he wished that any second now, he could open his hazel eyes to see Kaoru sleeping next to him in their bed, the younger twin's chest rising and falling peacefully.

But no, it was reality, and it was all his fault. There was no denying the horrible truth: that Hikaru Hitachiin was the reason his twin lay pale and motionless on a hospital bed, with trauma to the back of his head and a broken right arm. The doctor said it; there was no possible way for Kaoru to survive without permanent brain damage, they said he might not even know who he was…who his friends were…who his twin brother was.

It seemed that the more Hikaru thought about it, the worse the pain became. Each time it crossed his already emotionally exhausted mind, it stung like a bee, except he couldn't just scrape the stinger out. No, when he tried to get it out, more came, they pierced his mind and soul, the poison making his head spin with horrible, terrible thoughts._ Maybe I should just die…it would make it easier for the others…not having me around…_ To add on to the trouble, there was a huge possibility that Kaoru would never, ever forgive him for what he did…

The whole scheme of things made him awfully frustrated; the person whom he was most angry at was himself. Alas, it was not that simple. If there really was a 'god', he figured, then this 'god' must've had something against the poor boy, allowing fate to shape itself into the twisted form it took at that moment.

Muttering curses softly under his breath, the red haired teen stood up from his place, which was sitting on a hard, plastic chair, the stiff material a sickly green color. He left without a sound, leaving the rest of the hosts, his mother, and the woman who accidentally sealed Kaoru's fate in the silent room. A slight stinging pain shot through his left hand, for he had hit it on the cold metal doorknob on the way out. Thanks to his mother, the shallow gash was wrapped in what seemed like miles of gauze.

He walked through the pristine hospital halls, passing numerous rooms, sounds like sobbing, laughing, and screams peeking out from the bottom cracks of the plain, painted-white doors. The noises echoed in his head, even as he went down three flights of stairs. There really wasn't a specific place he was headed, but his feet seemed to know the building almost as well as he knew his own house. Someone suddenly knocked into him; the rough force jolted him out of his dream-like state. "Sorry!" A man who looked quite flustered and worried threw a apologetic glance over his shoulder at the teen, then disappeared into the bustling crowd.

Hikaru looked around. His once bright hazel eyes scanned from the high, pale ceiling to the trampled ground below his feet. The horrible place he once called his head screamed at him to find a quieter place, away from chattering people and laughing children, shattered hearts sobbing and tears falling. Of course, he had been lead by his feet to the hospital food court, full of the clinking of silverware on plates and talking from families, nice, happy, laughing…not torn apart by one's bit at the back of his eyes.

Swallowing the lump that formed in his throat, he searched the vast room, looking for refuge from the noise. Nothing came to him, like nothing (or nobody) really wanted him around. Of course they wouldn't. Who would want someone who almost killed their own brother around? A shaky breath escaped his lips, and he turned on his heel and headed toward the nearest exit, just anywhere to get away from the noise that was pounding in his skull.

It seemed like he knew the hospital like the back of his hand; only a few mere minutes passed before he found a back door, slipped outside, and found a large, bushy tree, climbing up and settling on a thick limb. Sunshine was barely visible through the thick overcast clouds; it cast golden light across through the leafy tree. Hikaru's heart wrenched as a sudden thought infiltrated his mind, the color of the sun's rays reminded him of his brother's hazel eyes. He took his MP3 player out of his pocket, along with a pair of sleek earbuds. At least he had music to pass time, to distract him from his bitter pain.

The elder twin felt a twinge of annoyance at no one in particular; why the hell was there Kelly Clarkson in his library? Well, at least it was something. Besides, he had probably uploaded the tracks himself. Sighing, he set the player on shuffle and leaned back against the tree, listening to the upbeat tune blast into his ears. It started in the middle of a song, yet he didn't remember ever listening to it before.

The lyrics pulled at his heartstrings, and he felt his hands begin to shake. _Damn…what's wrong with me?_

He felt hot, salty tears drip down his cheeks. Gritting his teeth, he closed his eyes tightly and gripped his reddish-brown locks with clenched and shaking fists. The music was supposed to make him feel better, not make even more guilt weigh him down, crushing him to death.

Suddenly, he yanked the earphones out of his ears, abruptly cutting off the music. There was no way he could listen to it anymore without breaking down in sobs._ Deep breaths…in, out. In, out…_

A loud ringing sound shook him to the bone. Nearly falling out of the tree, he frantically answered his chiming phone. "H-Hello?"

"Hikaru! We need you back here immediately!" Tamaki's usually chipper voice was rushed, anxious, and (Hikaru furrowed his brow)_…excited?_

"What?" The worried boy quite literally jumped out of the tree, sprinting toward the back door. Panic fueled adrenaline that courses through his veins. "Why? What's wrong?"

"The doctor was just here, and…" The blonde took a deep breath, and when he spoke through the receiver his tone was quite happy sounding.

"Kaoru's waking up!"

* * *

**A/N: Suspense! Haha…**

**Guys, I am so, so sorry for the delay! I had a really bad case of writer's block T^T**

**Anyway.**

**I've added a bit of a game to this. Yes, this story is mainly based off of 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' by Kelly Clarkson. Aaanndd, I've actually known what's gonna happen to Kaoru since I began writing this story about a month ago, and I want to see if you guys can figure it out by the next chapter where I reveal the answer. You can put your answer in a review or a PM, I don't really care. I won't tell you if you're right or wrong, though.**

**With that said, may the odds be ever in your favor!**

**Ehehe I see what I did there cx**

**And ask me stuff! In a PM or a review! I'll answer all next chapter :D**

**Thanks guys!**


	9. Chapter 9

_Standard disclaimer applied._

* * *

To Hikaru's delight, no one stopped him as he quite literally dashed through the hospital. The elder twin was filled to the brim with hope; hope that his brother might actually survive, hope that after this upcoming moment, things could maybe go back to they way they were before. His thoughts helped pump adrenaline through his veins, but the latter of his hopes made his mind heavy with pain and guilt; it was utterly and completely impossible. In such a traumatic accident, there was statistically no possible way that Kaoru would survive without permanent mental damage.

He tried desperately to banish the thought from his head. Thinking about what he already knew made blood pound in his ears, and not just because of the speed of his running. People moved out of his way, for a reason he didn't know. Maybe they sensed the urgency of his pace, or the anxious happiness that seemed to radiate from him. Whatever the reason, their courtesy made him feel like he could do anything.

For a breath-taking moment, the formerly troubled boy forgot about the guilt on his shoulders. He forgot the aching of his legs and lungs as he charged through the vast crowds. He forgot that his brother would never be the same as he was before. Hell, he even forgot he could be rushing to a loved one's deathbed.

His brother was waking up.

He'd finally get to see him, get to talk to him, to tell him how sorry he was.

Kaoru was coming back to him.

The joy surged him forward, toward the room he had been terrified to venture in. Pure euphoria coursed through his veins; wild rivers of energy and excitement. His heart pounded in his chest beating faster and faster with every breath; every fast stride. It felt like nothing could go wrong. Thoughts flashed through his mind. What will he say to Kaoru? I love you? I'm sorry? It's my fault? So many possibilities.

His lungs burned, but he ignored the sensation, focusing on his thoughts and his legs. What will his younger twin say to him? It's okay? I forgive you? I love you too?

Suddenly, the redhead skidded to a stop. The ominous door, colored a sickly white, stares back at him, faded gold-painted number plaques nailed to the wood. 182. That room caused him pain. He remembered the terrified feeling that clutched at his chest, suffocating him with fear that once he took a step in the room, his brother would be near death.

A shaky breath escaped his dry lips, partly from nerves of being reunited with his sibling, mostly from the sprint back. Inhaling, he placed a hand on the cold, metal doorknob, closed his eyes, and opened the door.

His heart sank ever so slightly, for he was expecting his twin to be awake when he got there, maybe even sitting up in his bed with bright eyes and a wide smile, saying something like "Wow, it's great to be back!" Instead, it was quite near the same as he left it: tired, red, and puffy eyes all staring at the pure white bed where the still-lifeless form of his brother lay, pale and still.

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder; he gazed up to see a mop of blonde hair and a wide smile, despite the redness in his eyes. Tamaki chuckled a bit. "You made it just in time, according to the doctor, he should wake up any second now."

When he received a look of skepticism, he pointed toward the many monitors and machines, and Hikaru had to admit, it was difficult to believe why Kaoru wasn't already awake. His heartbeat was normal, if not faster than normal, with a steady beeping pattern. It seemed everyone's heartbeat was faster, even in the span of a few seconds they leaned forward in their chairs, willing –yet also unwilling– to believe that the poor teen might actually survive.

No one moved. No one spoke. Everyone watched, anxiously waiting, searching, for even a single sign of life. If nothing happens in at least three and a half minutes, the doctor had said, he's as good as dead. No, they had refused to believe that.

Beep.

The hazel-eyed teen's hands trembled with anticipation; only when he made them into tightly curled fists did he realize how clammy his palms were.

Beep.

His heart started pounding on his rib cage again, it was so loud for a second he believed that everyone could hear it.

Beep.

His knuckles were beginning to ache, but he clenched his fists harder.

Beep.

No one seemed to breathe.

Beep.

Absolute silence.

Beep.

Then, Kaoru Hitachiin, the 16-year-old victim, the boy who had a slim-to-nothing chance of living, opened his eyes.

* * *

**A/N: Ah, cliffhangers. Well. Guys, I hate to do this to you, but the next chapter might not be up for a day or two: my school starts in two days DX**

**I'm just going to apologize in advance:**

**Sorry. I'm really sorry.**

**Don't hate me.**

***sigh* Poor Kaoru... (ehehehe~)**


	10. Chapter 10

All at once everyone scrambled to their feet, wide-eyed and excited. They huddled at the end of the bed, whispering to each other. Hikaru was somehow ushered into the group; he was forced to stand right at the foot of the bed. He spoke not a word, what was the brother to say? His hazel eyes looked left and right, observing the faces around him, some radiating hope and joy –like his mother, her eyes identical to his glimmering– and some seemingly frightened, scared that he would come back, then disappear out of their lives. That expression matched the one on Haruhi's face, the wide, anxious, and teary eyes and the shaking hands.

Hikaru, on the other hand, was completely expressionless. Of course he was worried, but he felt the hope glimmer in his chest that maybe, just maybe, this won't be as horrible as he thought. More relief rushed over him as his brother blinked twice then looked around at everyone. Neither of the twins spoke.

"Kaoru?" A woman's voice emerged from his mother, obviously concerned for her youngest child. "How are you feeling? Does your head hurt at all?" Her hazel orbs watched his every move, every twitch and every breath, like she couldn't look at him enough.

No response came from the boy on the bed, and that was enough to strike fear into Hikaru's heart. What if he couldn't speak? "We're really glad you're awake, Kaoru," Tamaki spoke next, nearly crying tears of joy. "You had a nasty gash and a broken arm."

The two eldest hosts were next to chime in. "Here, Kao-chan, Usa-chan can help you feel better." Very carefully, as not to hurt the broken arm, Honey placed his fading pink stuffed rabbit in the crook of the younger twin's operating arm. His small action made a smile form on the injured boy's pale face, and his eyes lit up a bit.

Mori's deep voice echoed slightly in the room. "Good to have you back." No expression lingered on the tall teen's face, but his eyes shone with happiness.

The rather white knuckles of Kyoya clenched onto his metallic silver laptop, seeming oddly tense and more on-edge than the others. Of course, having a family in the medical industry most likely trained him to immediately observe and take note of certain symptoms; maybe he knew something they all didn't…? Whatever the reason for his tenseness, his eyes darted from monitor to monitor. Finally, he spoke. "I…we were all quite worried. But, it seems you'll make a full recovery." His voice was quieter than normal and strained, as if it was burdened by a dark secret.

No one seemed to notice besides the elder twin, though. All eyes were set on the pale, sickly looking teen, who observed them back with his wide hazel eyes. Hikaru felt his heart pounding against his rib cage, so hard he was almost certain it would break out of his chest. Cold sweat ran down his temple. His eyes drifted to the others, and he was somewhat surprised to find Kyoya's gaze matching his; did those dark eyes always have that spark of sympathy glowing in them? Or was it just him?

The redheaded teen swallowed thickly, trying to control his abnormally fast breathing. _In, out. In, out._ Song lyrics furrowed their way into his head, playing themselves over and over in his mind, which was already seeming to crumble at the seams under pain and guilt. _In, out. In, out._ A loud pounding noise echoed in the room, yet no one else seemed to notice. _In, out, in, out. _Their anxiously waiting faces, happy and cheerful and waiting for his brother to utter a few words, and then he suddenly realized that the pounding was his own racing heart in his ears–

_In out in out in out in out._

A hand rested on his shoulder, making him jump terribly. The eyes so much like his own bore into his, and it actually took the elder twin a moment to convince himself that the person staring at him was not his brother, but his mother. She jerked her head slightly to his unspeaking brother, obviously trying to communicate without making noise. Still, Hikaru had no idea what the hell she was trying to say. Seeming a bit frustrated, she leaned close to his ear and whispered in a hoarse voice. "Go say something, Hikaru." The look on his face quickly told her that there was no way he would, and a very small sigh of exasperation left her painted lips, almost unnoticeable. Realizing that she couldn't force him, the somewhat older woman shook her head and removed her hand from his shoulder.

With the weight free from his shoulder, Hikaru gazed –along with everyone else– at Kaoru, who blinked as he looked back and forth at all of them. When the younger twin's eyes didn't pause on his brother, a small jolt of fear ran through his body. _Does he hate me? Does he not want to talk to me anymore? It is my fault after all…_ Thoughts jumbled in his head like a swarm of bees; after he quickly tried to sort them out and clear his mind, he found that his brother's hazel eyes were closed for a moment.

Kaoru opened his mouth slightly, revealing his pale and chapped lips. No one made a sound, eager to hear the boy's words. He coughed softly, to Hikaru, it almost sounded like the tinkling of a wind chime, fragile and weak. It broke his heart. The injured redheaded twin swallowed hard before speaking in a raspy and hoarse voice.

"Where's Hikaru…?"

Frightened murmurs, along with gasps of fear, erupted. "K-Kaoru…" The usually flamboyant blonde host stuttered in disbelief. "K-Kaoru…he's right in front of you…" that was true, Hikaru still stood, shell shocked, directly in front of the hospital bed. Panic ached in his chest. It grasped on to his lungs, restricting his breathing to shallow gasps. In, out. In, out.

Something like confusion fleetingly crossed the younger twin's face, then disappeared. His voice still had a raspy, unused pitch, but skepticism was also clear. "But…how do you know…? It's so dark…" Clenched fists rubbed furiously at his eyes, as if clearing them. "God, can someone turn on the lights? Can't see a damn thing."

A strangled sound emitted from the last person they expected to break down. Pushing his thin-framed glasses shakily up his nose, Kyoya's thin fingers grasped his sleek laptop with such force it may very well snap. "Don't you see…" His words came out in a hiss, laced with pain, pain and sorrow that no one had heard before. "Don't you see…he's b-blind…"

_In out in out in out in out._

"Blind…" Kaoru repeated the single word with almost an awed voice, eyes wide; eyes, that Hikaru noticed for the first time since he awoke, were clouded and foggy. "Blind…I'm blind…" Any traces of fascination diminished, replaced with a look of terror and horror. Tears formed slowly in his sightless eyes, and all his brother could do was cry with him.

"I'm blind…"

And then, Hikaru found himself on the ground, staring up at the ceiling.

His world went dark.

* * *

**A/N: I know I really shouldn't be smiling right now, but I am.**


	11. Chapter 11

Voices.

Cold.

_Tired...so tired..._

Hikaru swayed in and out of unconsciousness. Little bits and pieces of thoughts hazily drifted into his slow and sluggish brain. Slowly, he forced himself to open his eyes.

White. The redheaded teen blinked a few times, waiting for wherever he was to come into focus. Faces began to clear, and he gazed around at his group of friends, who seemed anxious and worried, all looking back at him with fear in their wide eyes.

Eyes.

_Eyes._

Suddenly, everything came back to him in a whirlwind of pain; he gasped and clutched his aching chest. That's right. An accident. The white walls. Hospital. His panic subsided, leavng his head throbbing. Kaoru...where's Kaoru?

A head of red hair, the same shade as his, came into his line of vision. Hazel eyes gazed up at him, and Hikaru felt relief flood his insides. Kaoru, crouching in front of his...chair? "Hikaru?"  
No. Cofusion seized his lungs. _That voice...not Kaoru's..._  
"Hikaru, can you hear me?" A feminene voice asked. But why did it look so much like himself...? _Oh, yeah, t_he teen thought. _Mom_. Her painted-red bottom lip looked smudged, like she had spent quite a while chewing on it out of anxiety. Fear danced in her eyes, identical to his.  
Before answering, he found himself looking at all on the others in turn; some with tears running down their cheeks and some with a emotionless face, set jaws but worried eyes. Another turn of his head told him that they were not in the hospital room anymore, but outside in the corridor, a few sitting, like himself; most standing. Hikaru swallowed. "Yeah, I can hear you." Even his own voice sounded foreign and hoarse to his ears.  
A sigh of relief escaped his mothers lips. She stood again, almosy falling because of her high heeled shoes. Clearing her throat, she composed herself. "I'm afraid I have to get home…there are certain…" A moment's hestitation. "Certain arrangements I have to put in place…for Kaoru's condition."

Condition? For a few seconds, the hazel-eyed teen had forgotten what had happened to his younger twin. Then all of the memories, vivid as if they had just happened, came rushing back into his mind; grief built up in his chest, and a low moan of sadness escaped his mouth before he could keep his emotions in check. He covered his face with his hands, and just from looking at him at that split second, no one would've been able to tell tears were falling down his pale cheeks. Alas, his quivering shoulders, shaking with silent sobs, gave his façade away. His brother, his partner in crime; blind.

The sound of high heels clicking on the tiled floor indicated that his mother was leaving. At that moment, he didn't care. She could go ahead and leave, leave him alone to bear the weight of his guilt and suffering and he wouldn't give a damn. In fact, they could just all leave him, just go away and make him deal with the terrible thoughts that echoed in his head. But he didn't really, really want them to go.

"Hikaru?" Kyoya looked down at him with a somewhat pitying expression, though the sympathy was difficult to see. Ever since the accident, the elder twin noticed how kind his senpai was acting toward him. "I asked if you were planning on attending school tomorrow."

A slight nod of the younger boy's head was enough to make the raven-haired teen's mouth turn down a bit in a frown of disapproval. "Are you sure? No one is forcing you, and it may be a better idea to take a day or two off, just to wait for the shock to wear off a bit…" Still, despite his warnings and advice, the red head of the shaking boy nodded again, a bit more pronounced than the last time. A small sigh escaped Kyoya's lips; he directed his eyes back toward his computer screen.

The host king crouched down in front of Hikaru, and one glance at his eyes, broken and distant; filled with tears and hopelessness, made worry flash across the blonde's features. "C'mon, Hikaru…it's time to go home…." But, the redhead wouldn't budge, no matter how hard Tamaki tried to coax him. "Hikaru…."

After a long while of fruitless trying, it seemed everyone had given up; the elder twin pulled his knees toward his chest, hugging them close as if they were a lifeline. He buried his head down, hiding his tear-stained face from view. Suddenly, he was hoisted up into the air by a tall figure…Mori-senpai? Yes, the large boy carrying him was indeed his superior, his dark eyes revealing nothing of his current emotions or thoughts. The younger teen hid his face once again, this time into his arms; cool, calm darkness behind his eyelids soothed his hazel orbs from the bright hospital lights.

A relaxed, drowsy feeling settled over him, it seemed like he couldn't move his limbs. Nothing he had ever felt in his life was as comfortable as being supported in another's arms at that very moment. Vaguly, as if from a distance far from him, he heard a car door close and he slowly cracked open one eye. The sudden patter in an engine began, and he could see the world outside begin to blur as the car picked up speed.

He must have dozed off, because when he opened his eyes again only darkness was there to greet him. Panic and bile rose in his throat, and before he could stop himself, he cried out in alarm. "K-Kaoru? M-Mum? D-Dad…? S-S-Someone…" Hot tears trailed down his cheeks as he looked around wildly, though the darkness revealed nothing. "H-Help…!" His voice came out strained and hoarse, laced with fear but loud none the less.

Finally –_finally_–, a bright light flickered on, and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. A disheved-looking Kyoya was standing in the doorway, one slightly trembling finger on the light switch. Once the light seemed to fade, Hikaru realized that he was home, and was now aware of the soft fluffiness beneath him, indicating he had been placed on his bed. "Hikaru?" The raven haired boy spoke softly, though it seemed like a yell to the younger red-head. "What's wrong? I heard you shout and I wanted to make sure you were alright…."

"M'sorry…"

His dark eyes blinked in surprise, one eyebrow making an elegant arch. "Excuse me…?"

"I-I'm s-sorry…" Hikaru turned his watery hazel eyes up to look at him. "T-This is a-all m-my fault…I-I'm sorry…"

A flurry of emotions flashed across the older boy's face, beginning with surprise and flitting to pain, then pity, finally resting on sorrow. "Don't say that. It's not your fault at all. No one could have saw that coming…" Even as he said that, though, he chewed his lip, like he was hiding something. He slowly came over to the bed, where his now silently sobbing friend sat, and wrapped his arms around the other's shaking form.

Hikaru tensed slightly at the sudden physical contact, but didn't pull away. "W-What about the c-club…?" He whispered, so quiet Kyoya barely caught his words.

"I have everything all worked out. We'll get by just fine…" With a quick glance at the clock, he added, "By the way, if you are wanting to go to school tomorrow, you may want to get some sleep. It's three in the morning…"

But when the older boy looked down at the other held in his arms, a small smile formed on his thin lips. Soothed by his senpai, Hikaru already fell asleep, his breathing easy and gentle. Lightly ruffling the reddish locks, he tucked him under the blankets, turned off the light, and left the room silently.

A small sigh left his mouth. _I have no idea what we're going to do without Kaoru…_

* * *

**Somehow Kyoya became a main character in this story…**


End file.
